第五章（第8/13页）

“嗯，他是何方人氏？”“什么也不是！他在特弗沙尔长大……父亲大概是名矿工。”“他自己也干这行？”“他是矿区的铁匠，我想应该是井上铁匠。大战爆发前，他曾在这里做过两年守林人……后来就应征入伍了。我父亲对他的评价始终很高，因此他复员后，到矿区申请再当铁匠时，我就让他做回守林人的老本行。他能回来，我的确很开心……能在本地找到适合的守林人实属不易……前提是他要熟稔附近的居民。”“他成家了么？”“他结过婚。但妻子弃他而去……到处跟别的男人乱搞……最后跟斯塔克斯门的某个矿工厮混在一起，或许现在还住在那里呢。”“这样说来，他现在是独身？”“可以这么说！他母亲住在村里……好像还帮他照看着孩子。”克利福德望着康妮，那双微凸的淡蓝色眼睛中弥漫着茫然的神色。他外表看起来精明强干，但内心却好似英格兰中部的天气，阴霾迷蒙，烟雾缭绕。这雾气好像正在向外蔓延。当他用独有的方式凝视着康妮，用别具一格的口吻，简明扼要地向她述说着一切时，康妮感到他的心底充满迷惘和空虚。这让她觉得不寒而栗。被这样的状态所支配，他变得感情淡漠，简直跟白痴无异。

And dimly she realized one of the great laws of the human soul: that when the emotional soul receives a wounding shock, which does not kill the body, the soul seems to recover as the body recovers. But this is only appearance. It is really only the mechanism of the re-assumed habit. Slowly, slowly the wound to the soul begins to make itself felt, like a bruise, which Only slowly deepens its terrible ache, till it fills all the psyche. And when we think we have recovered and forgotten, it is then that the terrible after-effects have to be encountered at their worst.

她隐约认识到人类灵魂的重要法则之一：当感性的心灵遭受重创，若肉体没有因此毁灭，随着肉体的复原，心灵也会痊愈。但这仅仅是表象。仅仅是习惯再度起作用的心理过程。心灵的创伤慢条斯理地迈开肆虐的脚步，就像青肿的瘀伤，随着时间的推移，剧烈的疼痛只会逐渐加深，直到填满灵魂的每个角落。当我们以为自己已经痊愈，并把伤痛抛诸脑后，此时可怕的后效才露出其最尖利的獠牙。

So it was with Clifford. Once he was "well", once he was back at Wragby, and writing his stories, and feeling sure of life, in spite of all, he seemed to forget, and to have recovered all his equanimity. But now, as the years went by, slowly, slowly, Connie felt the bruise of fear and horror coming up, and spreading in him. For a time it had been so deep as to be numb, as it were non-existent. Now slowly it began to assert itself in a spread of fear, almost paralysis. Mentally he still was alert. But the paralysis, the bruise of the too-great shock, was gradually spreading in his affective self.

克利福德便是个活生生的例子。他死中得活，重返故宅拉格比，开始小说的创作，再度鼓起生命的风帆。过去的种种磨难似乎都已烟消云散，心绪也完全恢复平静。但如今，数年光阴过去，康妮渐渐感觉到骇人的创伤又卷土重来，在他的心里蔓延开来。那创伤一度太过深切，以至于痛到麻木，好像已经不复存在。而现在，它却又露出狰狞的面目，将恐惧扩散开来，几乎让整个身心陷入麻痹。在精神层面，他依然机智敏捷。但半身瘫痪的现实，巨大打击过后留下的创伤，却逐渐将他的情感世界占据。

And as it spread in him, Connie felt it spread in her. An inward dread, an emptiness, an indifference to everything gradually spread in her soul. When Clifford was roused, he could still talk brilliantly and, as it were, command the future: as when, in the wood, he talked about her having a child, and giving an heir to Wragby. But the day after, all the brilliant words seemed like dead leaves, crumpling up and turning to powder, meaning really nothing, blown away on any gust of wind. They were not the leafy words of an effective life, young with energy and belonging to the tree. They were the hosts of fallen leaves of a life that is ineffectual.

它在克利福德的心底肆虐，就连康妮也深感其害。内心的恐惧与茫然，对任何事物都漠不关心，这种消极的情绪一点点攫住康妮的灵魂。情绪昂扬时，克利福德仍能够口若悬河地谈天说地，甚至似乎可以牢牢把握住自己的未来。就像在树林里，他与康妮谈到借腹生子，为拉格比府培养继承人。但一夜之间，那些连珠妙语都散落成遍地的枯叶，片片碎裂，化作齑粉，毫无意义可言，清风拂过，留不下半点痕迹。那些语句并非生机盎然的叶片，充满青春活力，与树身紧紧相连。只是一堆了无生气的落叶而已。